Anxiety vs. Faithfulness

Yesterday when Dennis and I were on our evening walk, he asked me what my first thought is when I think about having our 6-year old home is two-ish weeks. My first words were, "Sometimes I feel so old." Do I have the energy to give what a 6-year old boy needs? My "Jesus Calling" Devo this morning includes this: "When the path before you is dotted with difficulties, beware of measuring your strength against those challenges. That calculation is certain to riddle you with anxiety. Without Me, you wouldn't make it past the first hurdle!" My anxiety is really arrogance that there's any scenario in which I would be able to parent my children without God beside me and His Spirit within me.

Almost ready!  Yesterday I added D's name above the window and brought Lego's - LOTS of Lego's - into his room.  Dennis moved his treadmill out of D's room and into our room.  This will mean he will be working out in the morning when I may or may not still be trying to sleep.  Just another incentive to get up and moving, I guess!  As I previously wrote, D's birth father's appointment at the US Embassy is Tuesday morning.  It will likely be over before we get out of bed, and I might even have an E-mail waiting for me in my inbox.  For 16-months we've been waiting, and he will probably be home in less than two weeks.  God is continuing to be SO faithful to me.  Whenever I start to worry about post-adoption depression or bonding or attachment or whether or not I should travel or if we need to buy D more clothes or if I should be out of the country when my boys are also out of the country... God gives me a gift.  Last night it was a dream about D.  This morning it was a devotion from "Jesus Calling."  There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment.  so the one who fears has not reached perfection in love.  1 John 4:17-19   
When excitement is replaced with anxiety, I know my mind is focusing on the wrong thing.  My role is to see what God has prepared for me to do this day, this moment, not to project myself into a future that God has already taken control of.  That's difficult but at the same time, freeing.

Birth Parent Embassy Appointment

D's birth father's embassy appointment is June 5. If all goes as expected, we will be bringing our son home the next week!

Embassy Requests Birth Parent Interview

Today we received word of "movement" on our case. The U.S. Embassy in Addis has requested AGCI's assistance in facilitating a meeting with D's birth father. AGCI responded with an appointment request for next Tuesday, May 29; however, we know from others in the process that the Embassy appointment calendar is full all next week. Likely, the meeting will be the first week in June which would put our appointment the next week. That probably will mean I'm not going back. I have very mixed feelings about this. Hayden and Chase leave for Brazil and Mexico, respectively, on June 14 and 15. I want to be here to help them prepare for that. But I don't want to miss those first moments with D. I had some friends tell me there will be benefit in having one parent well-rested. Probably true. We should receive confirmation tomorrow of the birth parent interview date; then we'll need to make the decisions.

Submitted to Embassy

Today we learned that our paperwork had been submitted to the U.S. Embassy in Addis. This was the first time that our last name was connected to D's on anything official. That was cool, but we're definitely not keeping his middle name as "Dennis." We could be called to Addis as soon as May 28, if everything goes as smoothly as possible. A more likely scenario would see travel the first or second week in June. We still haven't decided whether or not I'm making the second trip. I think unless new information surfaces that pushes the decision one way or another, I'll let timing of the trip decide for me. Hayden will be in Israel until May 29, then Hayden and Chase both leave on mission trips mid-June. If I could get to/from Ethiopia while both boys are in the U.S., I could see myself deciding to go. If Chase is on the verge of leaving for MX, I'll stay and help him with that. Something inside me is hesitant to have family members on three continents at the same time. When I told Dennis we could be traveling as soon as May 28, his response was, "Whoa!" We've been giving people "We hope to have him home by the end of June" as an answer to their questions. I guess in our minds, that's the timeline we've come to think in terms of. Are we ready? Hmmm... I'm not sure how to answer that. This week a mom of a similarly-aged child shared a story that involved tantrums and the child making airplane gestures and sounds that could only be interpreted as, "Take me back, now!" Am I ready for that? I plan to take significant time off of a job that delights me. Am I ready for that? We plan to coccoon for 6 weeks to three months, keeping D within about six feet of us, and rarely leaving the house. Am I ready for that? I have four different hair products for African hair but only three outfits that might fit him. I still don't know how to make injera! That doesn't sound ready. I'm not sure "ready" is a foreseeable feeling. I am, however, willing, and with God's help, I am able.

Back into the Waiting Game

I don't really want to talk about the adoption anymore.  Seriously.  I love it that my friends and family are interested and concerned about the adoption, but I'm tired of talking about it.  Dennis joked that we need T-shirts that say, "We hope to have him home by the end of June."  I'm not ungrateful for the prayer support we're receiving.  As a matter of fact, I crave it!  It's answering the same questions that's causing the fatigue.  At the base of this is this simple truth:  We're not in control.  We don't have solid answers because we can't control the process.  Our next "milestone" will be when we receive an E-mail saying that we've been submitted to the U.S. Embassy.  Right now D's passport, birth certificate and medical testing are being done.  When that is finished, our "case" will be submitted to the Embassy, and we'll wait for the next step in the process to be finished. 

I've uploaded one of our "goodbye" pictures.  I can't show his face, yet.  When that time comes, you'll probably get tired of all of the pictures!

We passed court!

Today our adoption was made official in the eyes on the ET government. That was a great moment; however, what will stick with me from today was something much different. On the way to court, our HH driver stopped to pick up two families who are on the other side of the adoption equation. They were going to court to officially relinquish their children and clear the way for other AGCI families to adopt. After our court approval, we had to wait around a bit for the birth families to finish. On the ride back, I asked our driver to tell the birth families "thank you..." and that's about as far as I got before tears took over. Dennis was also emotional but was able to tell him to say that the children would be very loved in the U.S. I don't know if that message was delivered, but I think it was important for me to have those van rides with those families. I'm not sure if we'll meet D's birth father on our second trip; it's possible. We've been given a CD of photos that were taken when he came to HH after his court appearance. We left a photo album and letter for him just in case we are never at HH on the same day. I can honestly say that I don't know whether or not to hope we do have that chance to meet.