Okay, Fine Lisa Gard!

So, my bff noticed that I hadn't posted since September.  A lot has happened since then, but blogging... not so much.  We did manage to get the entire family into the same photo during our Thanksgiving celebration.  This will also be on our Christmas card since all six of us in the same room is a rarity.  That is quite sad, actually.  Daniel's arrival and the busyness that has surrounded that has taken some of the sting out of Hayden's move out of the house.  (His laundry still shows up once a week, so there's that...)

Thanksgiving weekend we also had THIS going on.

Which, of course, meant we were eating THIS.  For the non-Ethiopian food-educated among us, that is a very traditional meal.  We are blessed to have the African Restaurant in Lincoln.  They make food that Daniel simply loves.  It's all about presentation, wouldn't you agree?

Our boy turned seven. It was interesting to see a birthday through his eyes.  Approaching the birthday, he asked questions like, "Who blows out the candles?" The owner of the above-mentioned restaurant said that birthdays aren't celebrated in Ethiopia.  They might be casually mentioned, but not celebrated.  Because Daniel had no expectations, he was thrilled with the day.  We kept it intentionally low-key.  The day before had been Thanksgiving with its hype, food, crowd, etc.  On his birthday, he opened his gifts (A #3 Husker jersey was a big hit.), watched the Big Red beat Iowa, played football with his neighbors, went to eat Ethiopian food, and ate cake.  Happy Birthday, Daniel.

Daniel's six-month-home mark will be December 15.  It's amazing how quickly the time has gone and yet how much a part of our family he has become.

Okay, Lisa.  There it is.

Sometimes You Have to be a Bad Parent to be a Good Parent

This morning was one of those mornings.  The mornings that I just know I'm being judged and found wanting by Daniel's teacher and the other adults that saw Daniel at school.

It began with me being in the lead in the board game we were playing before school.  Daniel and I were the only ones home.  He won the first game by a large margin.  I was leading the second game, so Daniel decided to stop trying.  Then he decided to stop playing all together.  I put the game away.  Then, when I wasn't looking, he hid his glasses.  After I won that short battle of wills, we started getting ready to walk out the door for school.

I asked him if he wanted to go outside and see if he needed a jacket.  

"No jacket."

"It's chilly; you might want to check."

"No jacket."

"Okay, well how about I put your jacket in your backpack just in case you change your mind later."

"No.  No jacket to school."

So, we went to school without any jacket.  As we approached the drop-off area, I mentioned to Daniel that everyone was wearing jackets.  He looked at me with very wide eyes.  Possibly considering for the first time that his punishing me for winning the board game might come back to haunt him.

"Bye Daniel.  Have a good day at school.  I love you."

What did his teacher think when he showed up in 50-degree weather without a jacket?  I'll never know as I hope to refrain from defending myself at Parent/Teacher Conferences in a few weeks.  We'll see if I can win that internal battle of wills.  

I would much rather that Daniel win this battle today when it's 50 degrees if it allows me to win the war when it's 30 degrees.  I'll keep you posted.

Daniel, Chase and Cleo

With Uncle Brian at Rachel's wedding.  Daniel was very impressed with both the Chinese buffet and the candy.

 

Cousins.  Yep, family gatherings are going to be very interesting for awhile.

9 Weeks Home

Daniel and Mrs. Olsen

 

Daniel and Uncle Brian

Daniel has been home 9 weeks, and one of the things I've learned is that I'm not a very good blogger.  I often think about doing it, but don't seem to actually sit down and do it!
Overall, everything about our transition is going very well.  We're still struggling with his pouting, but we always remind ourselves that pouting is much better than a tantrum.
Daniel started school on Tuesday.  We started with about 2 hours and 15 minutes/day.  On Friday, we let him stay all day.  Due to various doctors appointments next week, he will miss Monday and Thursday, but we'll probably go all day the other three days.  He really likes it, so far.  I wish the excitement he feels for school now could last a LONG time.

Home One Month. How did we celebrate?

What Daniel will most-likely recall about recent days, unfortunately, probably isn't the fun birthday party of my great-niece and great-nephew. He'll probably remember his first visit to the doctor. Six "sticks" tend to stick in the mind of a six-year old. He's about in the 10th percentile for both height and weight, but the pediatrician was quick to point out that the scale is based on American and western European norms. His TB skin test will be read tomorrow, but he sent us for a chest X-ray, anyway. Oh, did I forget to mention that I get to collect three consecutive stool samples? Good times. Another favorite of mine is how the nurse (probably is required to)treats us like newbie parents and reads page after page of diet, exercise and safety guidelines. Yep. Good times. Daniel was exhausted by bed time. I could relate. The good news? He takes liquid Advil like a trooper.

3 Weeks Home - And Hayden has Arrived!

Daniel has been in Nebraska three weeks.  In some ways it's gone super-fast, but it also seems like he's been part of our family forever.  Hayden left for a Brazil outreach trip the day before Daniel got home from Ethiopia.  Yesterday was the first time they had met.

 Here they are bonding over "Curious George."

 Daniel really enjoyed the Independence Day fireworks.

 These two are of Daniel scootering in the driveway.  He has worked hard to master this skill!  He doesn't argue about the helmet anymore, either.

 Finally, we're all together!

We sort of have a "waiting for the other shoe to fall" feeling because the three weeks have gone so incredibly well.  His pouting has lessened but not disappeared completely.  He still sleeps and eats well.  In fact, if his mood is out-of-whack, food is usually what he needs.
We have an appointment with the eye surgeon at the end of July.  Our regular eye guy says surgery will be necessary.  I'm almost relieved.  Fighting the finding and wearing of glasses... not sure how that would go.
His language continues to expand daily.  He can put together a short sentence and seems to understand and respond to a lot of what we say.  That's pretty cool!

"So Good!"

"So good!"  These were Daniel's words, repeated several times, as he was eating at The African Restaurant here in Lincoln.  The above picture is him going at the left-overs the next day.

One Week at Home

Last evening marked the one week point of having Daniel at home in Nebraska.  Every day has been filled with numerous blessings, lots of laughter, new discoveries, and a rough spot or two.  Overall, we've had a solidly good week.
Yesterday was the toughest day we've had, so far.  But even that was very do-able because #1 - it wasn't constantly rough, and #2 - he's such a good sleeper at night that we are all physically able to handle the day.
I believe at the root of the issue was that there was someone new in the house for a good portion of the day.  Every other Friday my parents drive from Kearney to Lincoln so my father can do his chaplain work in the prisons in Lincoln.  From 8 a.m. to about 3:30 p.m., my mom hangs out here at the house.  This was the first time Daniel had met Grandma, and he was off his game from the beginning.  He had more of what we refer to as "pouting" than other days.  He warmed up to Grandma, showing her photos, looking at books, etc. But even after my parents left, the pouts continued. 
The complete melt-down came later in the evening.  Dennis had heard Daniel say "ice cream" when pointing to a picture of ice cream in one of the airports during travel.  We asked Daniel if he wanted to go get some ice cream.  He was excited to go, but when we got to Sonic and the ice cream arrived, it apparently wasn't what he thought it was going to be (soft serve instead of hard packed? with hot fudge instead of plain?).  We couldn't convince him to even try one bite.
He began whimpering on the drive home.  By shower time it was a full-on cry, only the 2nd time he's cried since he's been here.  After his shower, I took him out to the deck and just held and rocked him for a time, all nestled under a blanket.  Dennis came out to sit with us, and our cat, Cleo, jumped up on Dennis.  Cleo and Dennis began to play, and soon Daniel was laughing again.
I thought it wonderful that we were able to end the day in a good mood. 

What did we learn, today? 1. Hard boiled eggs are a favorite of Daniel's, even day after day. I thought scrambled eggs would be a sure-fire winner. I was wrong. Steel-cut oatmeal is also a "no." 2. Young ducks can be rather demanding of your attention when you're looking the other way. Both Daniel and I got "billed" at the pond this morning. Thankfully, it was painless. 3. Peanut butter and jelly can quickly turn around a rough lunch experience. 4. Peanut butter and jelly can quickly turn around a rough snack experience, too. 5. Daniel knows where to find the bread to show Mommy, unmistakenly, that a pb&j should happen, soon. 6. Mommy still really enjoys Legos. Best toys ever. 7. Water pistols are good. Running through the sprinkler is a "not yet" experience. 8. My 46- year old body is going to have to get used to sitting on the floor, a lot. 9. Chutes and Ladders can take quite a long time. 10. Daddy getting home from work is a good thing.

One more day... Or maybe two

On Tuesday the U.S. Embassy in Addis Ababa put Daniel securely and forever into our family. He'll be in Nebraska Friday afternoon. I heard him laughing during our Skype conversation, yesterday. That's one of the many things I'm looking forward to hearing again in person. Today will be a long day for them, and probably too short a day in my world. They don't leave Addis until about 10:00 tonight and have a 17 hour non-stop flight ahead of them. Then two flights will get them here from D.C. I'll be getting my boys prepped and ready for their mission trips to Brazil (Hayden) and Mexico (Chase). I also need to do some grocery shopping to prepare for Daniel's home coming. Dennis says he'll eat almost anything, so my anxiety about that is lessening. This was one of the verses from my devotion, today: the Lord appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore, I have continued to extend faithful love to you. (Jeremiah 31:3 HCSB) We have definitely felt God's everlasting love during our adoption journey.

Anxiety vs. Faithfulness

Yesterday when Dennis and I were on our evening walk, he asked me what my first thought is when I think about having our 6-year old home is two-ish weeks. My first words were, "Sometimes I feel so old." Do I have the energy to give what a 6-year old boy needs? My "Jesus Calling" Devo this morning includes this: "When the path before you is dotted with difficulties, beware of measuring your strength against those challenges. That calculation is certain to riddle you with anxiety. Without Me, you wouldn't make it past the first hurdle!" My anxiety is really arrogance that there's any scenario in which I would be able to parent my children without God beside me and His Spirit within me.

Almost ready!  Yesterday I added D's name above the window and brought Lego's - LOTS of Lego's - into his room.  Dennis moved his treadmill out of D's room and into our room.  This will mean he will be working out in the morning when I may or may not still be trying to sleep.  Just another incentive to get up and moving, I guess!  As I previously wrote, D's birth father's appointment at the US Embassy is Tuesday morning.  It will likely be over before we get out of bed, and I might even have an E-mail waiting for me in my inbox.  For 16-months we've been waiting, and he will probably be home in less than two weeks.  God is continuing to be SO faithful to me.  Whenever I start to worry about post-adoption depression or bonding or attachment or whether or not I should travel or if we need to buy D more clothes or if I should be out of the country when my boys are also out of the country... God gives me a gift.  Last night it was a dream about D.  This morning it was a devotion from "Jesus Calling."  There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment.  so the one who fears has not reached perfection in love.  1 John 4:17-19   
When excitement is replaced with anxiety, I know my mind is focusing on the wrong thing.  My role is to see what God has prepared for me to do this day, this moment, not to project myself into a future that God has already taken control of.  That's difficult but at the same time, freeing.

Birth Parent Embassy Appointment

D's birth father's embassy appointment is June 5. If all goes as expected, we will be bringing our son home the next week!

Embassy Requests Birth Parent Interview

Today we received word of "movement" on our case. The U.S. Embassy in Addis has requested AGCI's assistance in facilitating a meeting with D's birth father. AGCI responded with an appointment request for next Tuesday, May 29; however, we know from others in the process that the Embassy appointment calendar is full all next week. Likely, the meeting will be the first week in June which would put our appointment the next week. That probably will mean I'm not going back. I have very mixed feelings about this. Hayden and Chase leave for Brazil and Mexico, respectively, on June 14 and 15. I want to be here to help them prepare for that. But I don't want to miss those first moments with D. I had some friends tell me there will be benefit in having one parent well-rested. Probably true. We should receive confirmation tomorrow of the birth parent interview date; then we'll need to make the decisions.

Submitted to Embassy

Today we learned that our paperwork had been submitted to the U.S. Embassy in Addis. This was the first time that our last name was connected to D's on anything official. That was cool, but we're definitely not keeping his middle name as "Dennis." We could be called to Addis as soon as May 28, if everything goes as smoothly as possible. A more likely scenario would see travel the first or second week in June. We still haven't decided whether or not I'm making the second trip. I think unless new information surfaces that pushes the decision one way or another, I'll let timing of the trip decide for me. Hayden will be in Israel until May 29, then Hayden and Chase both leave on mission trips mid-June. If I could get to/from Ethiopia while both boys are in the U.S., I could see myself deciding to go. If Chase is on the verge of leaving for MX, I'll stay and help him with that. Something inside me is hesitant to have family members on three continents at the same time. When I told Dennis we could be traveling as soon as May 28, his response was, "Whoa!" We've been giving people "We hope to have him home by the end of June" as an answer to their questions. I guess in our minds, that's the timeline we've come to think in terms of. Are we ready? Hmmm... I'm not sure how to answer that. This week a mom of a similarly-aged child shared a story that involved tantrums and the child making airplane gestures and sounds that could only be interpreted as, "Take me back, now!" Am I ready for that? I plan to take significant time off of a job that delights me. Am I ready for that? We plan to coccoon for 6 weeks to three months, keeping D within about six feet of us, and rarely leaving the house. Am I ready for that? I have four different hair products for African hair but only three outfits that might fit him. I still don't know how to make injera! That doesn't sound ready. I'm not sure "ready" is a foreseeable feeling. I am, however, willing, and with God's help, I am able.

Back into the Waiting Game

I don't really want to talk about the adoption anymore.  Seriously.  I love it that my friends and family are interested and concerned about the adoption, but I'm tired of talking about it.  Dennis joked that we need T-shirts that say, "We hope to have him home by the end of June."  I'm not ungrateful for the prayer support we're receiving.  As a matter of fact, I crave it!  It's answering the same questions that's causing the fatigue.  At the base of this is this simple truth:  We're not in control.  We don't have solid answers because we can't control the process.  Our next "milestone" will be when we receive an E-mail saying that we've been submitted to the U.S. Embassy.  Right now D's passport, birth certificate and medical testing are being done.  When that is finished, our "case" will be submitted to the Embassy, and we'll wait for the next step in the process to be finished. 

I've uploaded one of our "goodbye" pictures.  I can't show his face, yet.  When that time comes, you'll probably get tired of all of the pictures!

We passed court!

Today our adoption was made official in the eyes on the ET government. That was a great moment; however, what will stick with me from today was something much different. On the way to court, our HH driver stopped to pick up two families who are on the other side of the adoption equation. They were going to court to officially relinquish their children and clear the way for other AGCI families to adopt. After our court approval, we had to wait around a bit for the birth families to finish. On the ride back, I asked our driver to tell the birth families "thank you..." and that's about as far as I got before tears took over. Dennis was also emotional but was able to tell him to say that the children would be very loved in the U.S. I don't know if that message was delivered, but I think it was important for me to have those van rides with those families. I'm not sure if we'll meet D's birth father on our second trip; it's possible. We've been given a CD of photos that were taken when he came to HH after his court appearance. We left a photo album and letter for him just in case we are never at HH on the same day. I can honestly say that I don't know whether or not to hope we do have that chance to meet.

Rainy days and Mondays

Monday was spectacular! We had a marvelous time with D, did some shopping, and had our cultural dinner experience. Since I can't yet get pics on here, I'm not even going to attempt much explanation. Everything we did, we did as a group of six whites and our HH drivers. Today the other two families have their court and goodbye day. While Dennis and I are at HH with D, the other adults will be asking the Ethiopian courts to approve their adoptions. Then, they'll come back to HH to say goodbye. I'm trying to imagine this: three children with non or limited English skills; four parents who have to get across the idea that a "tomorrow" visit isn't going to happen, but that they WILL be coming back (they just don't know when). Trust us; we're going to be together as a family, soon. I'm praying for my new friends, but I'll also be watching because I need to be a quick study. Our court day is tomorrow. Our goodbye day is Thursday.

Day one in Addis

We've just spent our first 24 hours in Ethiopia. It's been an amazing experience. We were blessed with great flights and found two other couples at the hotel who are also meeting their kids, this week. We met D, this morning. He was prepared for our arrival and warmly greeted us. The transitional house (which I'll refer to as HH) is alive with happy, playful children and "special mothers." I can't do it justice in words, and can't yet upload pictures, but it was all more than I had hoped for in terms of where D is spending this part of his life. We got to see a full-on pout when we had to tell D "no" about something, but he quickly forgave us and resumed his good attitude. And, he can throw a decent spiral. Always important in Nebraska. Back at the hotel, we ate lunch, rested for a bit, then walked around the hotel area with our co-adopting friends. We got caught in a rain storm, and were the focus of a lot of Ethiopians, but enjoyed the experience. I only saw one mom pointing out the "ferengi" (whites) to her daughter, but everyone took notice of us. My body seems to be handling the time change and altitude. Thank you for your prayers! Julie

The Big Week

I call it a big week, today, and it is.  However, since reality hasn't set in, I still don't grasp the "big-ness" of the week.  This week we travel to Ethiopia to meet our new son and go to court for the right to adopt him into our family.
This begins a new life for all of the Florom family, certainly not just this precious little guy who has no idea what's about to happen to him.
And it's Easter!  The day we celebrate new life because of Christ's defeat of death and the grave. 
Many people have asked me if I'm excited.  I am, but as I said, the reality of all of this hasn't set in.  The preparations certainly have, but not the reality.  Both of our big suitcases are packed.  Our carry-ons are loaded... Now, how many times this week will I re-pack and re-load?  Only time will tell. 
I'm so thankful for the many friends who have offered to help us with the older 3 while we're gone.  We are blessed so much more than we deserve.

Ethiopia, Here we come!

Last Friday we received our court date and will be in Ethiopia mid-April.  I'm not going to give any more details than that just in case you're the type who will come to my house and rob it.  Since Friday we've been looking for the best air routes to take us to meet our son, scheduling home study update visits, scheduling education phone calls, and making arrangements for our older kids for when we're out of country.  It seems weird even saying that:  out of country. 
Finally, after over a year, we're going to meet our son.  I've so enjoyed the pictures we've received after fellow-sojourners have returned from HH.  He appears to be well and even thriving.  Now it's time for Mama to check it out, herself.

Every week for my job, I publish a newsletter for the ministry department I oversee for our church.  On the 2nd page, I try to include a personal reflection.  This is what I included, today.  It has nothing to do with the adoption.  It is, however, in relation to something deeply personal that's happening in a relationship outside my family.  Namely this:  My best friend is moving away.  We've lived in Lincoln for about 10 years, and she's the best friend I've made in that time.  I adore her.  And God's moving her hours away from here.  I'm almost at the point where I can say it outload without tearing up.  Almost.  This type of writing is helping me process my emotions.  Thanks for your understanding.

Then Job stood up, tore his robe, and shaved his head. He fell to the ground and worshiped, saying:

Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
and naked I will leave this life.
The LORD gives, and the LORD takes away.
Praise the name of Yahweh. Job 1:20-21

Corrie Ten Boom said it well: Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open.

That’s the type of quote that we can all read, nod in agreement, and say, Yes, she’s so right.  That’s the right attitude, Corrie. Way to go, Sister. 

Until it’s from us that God takes away.  Can we say it when it’s us?  Can we both tear our robes and fall to the ground in worship?   I’m amazed by Job 1:20-21.  Perhaps, however, even more amazing is Job 1:22:
Throughout all this Job did not sin or blame God for anything. 

He didn’t blame God?  The LORD took away… Job mourned; he cried; he suffered intensely… and yet Job didn’t place blame.  He worshipped. 

I did a quick search on biblegateway.com to verify this assumption, and I think it’s true:  Worship and sacrifice are VERY, VERY tied together.  When we can still worship at a point of loss, that is truly a sacrifice of praise.   

Some other really smart person said: All things belong to God, absolutely, to be given as a gift, not a claim, to be taken back without wrong. There is no talk of human 'rights.' The Lord is the sovereign owner of all, and Job rejoices in this wonderful fact.

Lenten Goal

For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with goodness, goodness with knowledge, knowledge with self-control, self-control with endurance, endurance with godliness, godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.  For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they will keep you from being useless or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.  The person who lacks these things is blind and shortsighted and has forgotten the cleansing from his past sins. 2 Peter 1:5-9 (emphasis mine)

I've decided what I'm going to try to give up for Lent:  Being a selfish jerk.  I should probably give up my morning coffee, but I think that might severely limit my ability to give up the selfish-jerk thing.  Let me tell you how I came to this Lenten goal.

Dennis had scheduled, for 8:15 this morning, a guy (hereafter referred to as "Guy #1") to come do something at our house. I, of course, was the one who had to be there to meet Guy #1, but I didn’t have any contact info for Guy #1.

Here are my text messages to Dennis:

8:37:  He’s not here, yet.

9:02: 47 minutes late

(9:06:  I try to call Dennis’s cell phone.  It goes to voice mail.)

Back to texting:

9:10:  approaching angry at this point.  Can’t be held responsible for my attitude IF he ever shows up.

No response from my husband, so I changed my tactics and called his work phone.  No answer.

So I E-mailed: “Unless you’re lying in a roadside ditch, I suggest you read your texts and respond.”  Again, nothing. 

At 9:25, I gave up and left for work.

At 10:11, I get a return call from Dennis telling me “sorry,” he’d been in a meeting and when he checked his E-mail, Guy #1 had written to apologize; he’d never put the appointment on his calendar.

For over 2 hours I’d worked myself into an ulcer, and Guy #1 didn’t even know I was on planet Earth.  In those two hours, I was definitely NOT showing self control, endurance, godliness, brotherly affection or love in increasing measure. No, I was being a selfish jerk, thinking it was all about me, and doing harm only to myself. (Thankfully Guy #1 didn’t show up at 9:24.  Being an example of godliness wasn’t on my to-do list at that point.) 

If you see me in the next 40 days stomping my foot because I didn’t get my own way, feel free to hold me accountable.  However, if I have coffee in my hand, leave it alone.

Whose Journey is it, anyway?

The LORD is my shepherd; there is nothing I lack. He lets me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.  He renews my life; He leads me along the right paths
for His name’s sake. Psalm 23:1-3 (HCSB)

I often find it helpful to look at a really familiar passage of Scripture in a translation that isn’t familiar to me.  I can see it with fresh eyes.  That was true in my morning devo time, today.  Look at verse 3, above: He leads me along the right paths for His name’s sake. 
One thing that has clearly been a theme of the different studies and books I’m currently working through is that my life is intended to be for HIS glory.  I’m on this earth in February, 2012, for HIS Name’s sake, not my own. 
What a radical re-direction of thought!  You may be saying, “Well, duh, Julie.”  But for me it is a big deal because I’m taking that truth from “head knowledge” to “heart certainty.”  And it isn’t the easiest transition God has ever asked of me. 
For those of you who haven’t had first-hand experience with adoption, I’ll let you in on two secrets:

#1, Everyone has a story about someone they know who has adopted.  Sometimes it’s quite encouraging; sometimes it’s a horror story. 

#2, Everyone thinks you need to hear their story. 

Here’s what God is teaching me:  While I may get some advice that I may need in the future, I’m not supposed to take direction from the horror stories; I’m also not supposed to take direction from the encouraging stories.  I’m supposed to take direction from Him because it’s HIS glory I’m after on this journey.